Why the People We Choose Is the Most Important Choice We Make

It’s been said, not sure where, that we become average of the five people we choose to spend the most time with. It makes sense that over time, we become more open to the beliefs, the view of the world, and the view of ourselves of those we hold closer.

Some of these people see us at our best. Through their eyes we see the best version of ourselves we can be and when it’s strong and unwavering it’s almost impossible not to believe it. 

They’re the ones who see the beauty in us even when it’s not that pretty and believe in us even when a different truth might seem so much bigger. They stand on the edge of the fire with us and they don’t shrink back and when we’re too exhausted to stand there by ourselve,s they’ll hold us up for a while. 

These are the keepers.

Then there are the others. They’re the ones we walk away from feeling less than. 

Being around those who fade us isn’t the worst thing. Loving them is. Because when we love, our guard is dropped and we become exposed to the things they say or do, or confused and saddened because of the things they withhold

Unless we choose to armour ourselves with steel skin – and that has its own consequences – we can’t help but be shaped by those who we choose to hold close. Choose wisely. We can’t always choose who is around us, but we can choose who we allow in.

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‘Yeah, that feels big doesn’t it. I get that. So if you can’t to the whole thing/ the whole time/ all of it, tell me what you can do. And don’t tell me nothing, because that’s not an option.’♥️
First, we ask the questions of us:

Are they relationally safe?
- Do they have an anchor adult at school?
- Do they know how to access this adult?
- Do they feel welcome, a sense of belonging, warmth from their adults?

Do they feel safe in their bodies?
- Are they able to move their bodies when they need to?
- Are they free from sensory overload or underload?
- If not, what is their bare minimum list to achieve this with minimum disruption to the class, keeping in mind that when they feel safer in their bodies, there will naturally be less disruptive behaviour and more capacity to engage, learn, regulate.

Then we ask the question of them:

What's one little step you can take? And don't tell me nothing because I know that you are amazing, and brave, and capable. I'm here right beside you to show you how much. I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself enough yet.❤️

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