How to Talk to People (and Shine) When Anxiety Gets in the Way

How to move through anxiety to make a stunning first impression, without changing who you are (because who you are is amazing).

Transcript

Shyness or introversion come with so many strengths. They definitely aren’t things that need to be changed, but they can make talking to people difficult. Something that can make this easier is to let them do the taking. To do this, show interest, ask questions, follow your curiosity on similarities or differences. Interesting people aren’t necessarily the ones with lots of stories to tell, or the ones who appear to be the life of the party. They’re the people who will show interest in other people, and who will give them the space to talk about themselves or what’s important to them. Often, shy or introverted people are really great at doing that. People won’t always remember the things you say, but they will always remember how they felt around you. If you are someone who asks questions and follows your curiosity about people, you will be someone who is really interesting to spend time with. A lot of that is about exploring the differences between you and other people. There’s so much to learn from other people – even if it’s how not to be, or how not to do things. So, even if you are someone who is shy or even if you are a little bit anxious about talking to people, don’t ever think that you aren’t somebody who isn’t really fascinating and wonderful to be with. In fact, if you asked the people around you who you spend time with, they would probably say that you are one of the best people to be with because you are sensitive to things and you let people be who they are. So whenever you can, show curiosity in people and ask questions. Everything you discover becomes an important part of your wisdom that will really open up the world for you.

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Anxiety is about felt safety. It doesn’t mean your young one isn’t safe. It means they don’t feel safe. 

The question then is, what would help them feel safer? This doesn’t mean anxiety will go away, and we don’t need it to. What we’re looking for is what would help you feel braver and safer, even when you’re anxious? 

It also doesn’t mean school is doing anything wrong. But maybe there are little shifts that will make a big difference.

There will always be anxiety whenever there is something brave, new, hard, or growthful to do. But anything we can do to help them feel safer, will help anxiety feel more manageable, and hard things feel more do-able. 

So let’s have the conversation. What’s@one thing school could do that would help your child feel safe enough, so they could do brave enough. There are no wrong answers.♥️
One little brave step at a time. It doesn’t matter how big the steps are, or how long it takes as long as the steps are forward. 

The steps won’t always feel gentle. The big feelings that come with this won’t hurt them, as long as they are safe and they aren’t alone in their distress. Lead, with love. ‘I know this feels big, and I know you can do this. I’m right here with you. We’ll handle this together.’ 

It doesn’t have to be you who is with them, as long as it is someone they feel safe with and care about by - a teacher, a relative, a grandparent - any important adult in their lives who can help them feel seen, loved, and safe through the storm.♥️
‘Yeah, that feels big doesn’t it. I get that. So if you can’t to the whole thing/ the whole time/ all of it, tell me what you can do. And don’t tell me nothing, because that’s not an option.’♥️
First, we ask the questions of us:

Are they relationally safe?
- Do they have an anchor adult at school?
- Do they know how to access this adult?
- Do they feel welcome, a sense of belonging, warmth from their adults?

Do they feel safe in their bodies?
- Are they able to move their bodies when they need to?
- Are they free from sensory overload or underload?
- If not, what is their bare minimum list to achieve this with minimum disruption to the class, keeping in mind that when they feel safer in their bodies, there will naturally be less disruptive behaviour and more capacity to engage, learn, regulate.

Then we ask the question of them:

What's one little step you can take? And don't tell me nothing because I know that you are amazing, and brave, and capable. I'm here right beside you to show you how much. I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself enough yet.❤️

#anxietyrelief #anxiouskids #anxietyinkids #anxiousteens #childanxiety #positiveparenting

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