Intuition – What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Use It

Intuition is real – science says so, and when science says something … Let’s talk about what it is, why it matters, and how to use it. It’s that little voice in you, and it’s more important than you know.

Transcript

  • Making a good decision or a right decision isn’t always easy. It requires strength, courage and wisdom. We have something on board that can really help with this if we let it. It’s called intuition. You’ve probably heard of intuition but you might not know exactly what it is. Intuition is a very real thing.
  • Researchers have found that we humans operate on two systems. One is a really immediate, automatic, quick system. That’s our intuition. Our intuition draws on memories and experiences and everything that we know inside us, but it isn’t always available to our awareness. When we have an experience, all of that wisdom and the learning and memories from that experience, they don’t just disappear. They get stored away and that’s what our intuition taps into. We’re not always aware of where it comes from or why we have that voice inside us, but it’s very real.
  • The other system that we humans operate on is more analytical. It’s slower and it’s where we take time to consider things. That’s a really great thing to do. It’s a really healthy thing to do, but sometimes things like fear or peer pressure or pressure from outside can get in the way and steer us in a direction which isn’t great. If you can put the two systems together, that’s a really brilliant way to make a good decision.
  • Intuition is that little voice inside you that tells you where you need to be or what direction you need to move in. It’s that little voice and it’s really important, really powerful, and very real. So, when you have that feeling that something isn’t right, or feels fake, or that there’s a better way to do things, or there’s a better decision, a different decision that needs to be made, listen to it. People call it gut instinct or heart whispers, but it’s all intuition. It’s all the wisdom we’ve learned that gets stored away and stays there for us to tap into to make good decisions. It’s in all of us and it’s really important. So listen to that little voice inside you and let it guide you in the right direction.

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Consequences are about repair and restoration, and putting things right. ‘You are such a great kid. I know you would never be mean on purpose but here we are. What happened? Can you help me understand? What might you do differently next time you feel like this? How can we put this right? Do you need my help with that?’

Punishment and consequences that don’t make sense teach kids to steer around us, not how to steer themselves. We can’t guide them if they are too scared of the fallout to turn towards us when things get messy.♥️
Anxiety is driven by a lack of certainty about safety. It doesn’t mean they aren’t safe, and it certainly doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It means they don’t feel safe enough - yet. 

The question isn’t, ‘How do we fix them?’ They aren’t broken. 

It’s, ‘How do we fix what’s happening around them to help them feel so they can feel safe enough to be brave enough?’

How can we make the environment feel safer? Sensory accommodations? Relational safety?

Or if the environment is as safe as we can make it, how can we show them that we believe so much in their safety and their capability, that they can rest in that certainty? 

They can feel anxious, and do brave. 

We want them to listen to their anxiety, check things out, but don’t always let their anxiety take the lead.

Sometimes it’s spot on. And sometimes it isn’t. Whole living is about being able to tell the difference. 

As long as they are safe, let them know you believe them, and that you believe IN them. ‘I know this feels big and I know you can handle this. We’ll do this together.’♥️
Research has shown us, without a doubt, that a sense of belonging is one of the most important contributors to wellbeing and success at school. 

Yet for too many children, that sense of belonging is dependent on success and wellbeing. The belonging has to come first, then the rest will follow.

Rather than, ‘What’s wrong with them?’, how might things be different for so many kids if we shift to, ‘What needs to happen to let them know we want them here?’❤️
There is a quiet strength in making space for the duality of being human. It's how we honour the vastness of who we are, and expand who we can be. 

So much of our stuckness, and our children's stuckness, comes from needing to silence the parts of us that don't fit with who we 'should' be. Or from believing that the thought or feeling showing up the loudest is the only truth. 

We believe their anxiety, because their brave is softer - there, but softer.
We believe our 'not enoughness', because our 'everything to everyone all the time' has been stretched to threadbare for a while.
We feel scared so we lose faith in our strength.

One of our loving roles as parents is to show our children how to make space for their own contradictions, not to fight them, or believe the thought or feeling that is showing up the biggest. Honour that thought or feeling, and make space for the 'and'.

Because we can be strong and fragile all at once.
Certain and undone.
Anxious and brave.
Tender and fierce.
Joyful and lonely.
We can love who we are and miss who we were.

When we make space for 'Yes, and ...' we gently hold our contradictions in one hand, and let go of the need to fight them. This is how we make loving space for wholeness, in us and in our children. 

We validate what is real while making space for what is possible.
All feelings are important. What’s also important is the story - the ‘why’ - we put to those feelings. 

When our children are distressed, anxious, in fight or flight, we’ll feel it. We’re meant to. It’s one of the ways we keep them safe. Our brains tell us they’re in danger and our bodies organise to fight for them or flee with them.

When there is an actual threat, this is a perfect response. But when the anxiety is in response to something important, brave, new, hard, that instinct to fight for them or flee with them might not be so helpful.

When you can, take a moment to be clear about the ‘why’. Are they in danger or

Ask, ‘Do I feel like this because they’re in danger, or because they’re doing something hard, brave, new, important?’ 

‘Is this a time for me to keep them safe (fight for them or flee with them) or is this a time for me to help them be brave?’

‘What am I protecting them from -  danger or an opportunity to show them they can do hard things?’

Then make space for ‘and’, ‘I want to protect them AND they are safe.’

‘I want to protect them from anxiety AND anxiety is unavoidable - I can take care of them through it.’

‘This is so hard AND they can do hard things. So can I.’

Sometimes you’ll need to protect them, and sometimes you need to show them how much you believe in them. Anxiety can make it hard to tell the difference, which is why they need us.♥️

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